One of the most important tasks many of us will ever perform is raising our children. This is a task which combines some of our biggest challenges with our greatest rewards. It is also a task for which there is the least preparation as most of us learn to be parents on the job.

Just when you think you have a handle on things, along come the teenage years. The challenges faced by our youth can be difficult. Two of those will probably be drugs and sex. While the teen years are all about independence and experimentation, mistakes made now can have life-long consequences.

Studies in the U.S. have found that the average age of a child’s first drink is as low as 11 years; their first experimentation with marijuana, 12 years. The same survey found that 13% of grade eight students reported illicit drug use in the previous 30 days. The situation in Canada is not likely to be much different, unfortunately. The British Columbia Provincial Health Officer’s Report (1999) highlighted some of the same concerns. One measure, binge drinking among grade 7-12 students, showed that 44% of all students in the age group had done so in the previous month (1998 data).

High risk sexual practices were equally disturbing. Among the grade 7-12 age group, 48% of females did not use a condom the last time they had sexual intercourse; about 23% of these children are having regular sexual intercourse. And teen pregnancy rates, while decreasing somewhat, still showed 47 pregnancies per 1000 population (in the age group) in our (Coast Garibaldi) Region.

Finding out that your child is pregnant, or that he is using drugs, or smoking, or… the list of concern goes on, can be traumatic for a parent. Having to deal with a serious, life-changing situation need not be insurmountable. It is really all about good communication. In fact, good communication equips you with tools to prevent some of the consequences of teen decision-making.

Parents can help their kids to face the tough issues. A sound strategy would combine anticipation with prevention. Parents who educate their children about issues before others can give them (mis)information help equip their child with the tools and knowledge to deal with a situation. Sharing difficult information need not wait until your teen approaches you with the question. Chances are they are far more nervous about the topic that you are — so start the conversation yourself, before problems ever come up. After all, who is better qualified to talk about your values to your kids?

Opening up communication with your teen can be as easy as using teachable moments; use news stories, books or movies that raise issues for discussion. Talk about what is happening to them in their lives, and to you.

Sensitive subjects demand good listening skills. If your son or daughter is trying to talk to you, they deserve undivided attention. Be a good listener and welcome them bringing problems to you. And whatever your child says, do not allow anger to end the discussion. Be ready to hear what they are saying, not what you think you want to hear.

Many parents mistakenly assume that their children simply absorb the lessons and values we have. How well they do depends much more on discussion, modelling our values in our behaviour, and on sharing time and talk with them.

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Call-out:

“If your son or daughter is trying to talk to you, they deserve undivided attention. Be a good listener and welcome them bringing problems to you.”